I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
