I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
