There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize