Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
