Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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