It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
