Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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