Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so that wasnt chicken after all
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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