dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
