Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
