Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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