So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
worst night to have a conscience
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
