I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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