He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
