This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
