I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
