dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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