Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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