worst night to have a conscience
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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