I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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