How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
