I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
