Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
