I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
