Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
try to milk me bitch
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