Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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