Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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