I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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