I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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