What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
