my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
