So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
