dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
