Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
