well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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