A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
