He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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