I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
