she was so not down for the gang bang
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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