I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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