So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's the barista slut.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
