There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
