1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize