Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You pole danced in your parka.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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