So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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