A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
