There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
