I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
