Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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