Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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