Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
