dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
