Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
