We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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