I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
