We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
