"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
