You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
