is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
