guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
