ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
