Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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