the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just high enough for therapy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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