soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
