I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
honey bunches of taint.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
