im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
