You're a womanizer and a bitch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize